Besides that, doing a search on "how to stop abusing my wife" turned up quite a few reputable sites. Always check where you're getting your information - you want the good stuff. Verbal abuse, in time, always leads to physical violence. Good luck to you. I'm happy that you recognized and admitted your problem. That's always the first step to any solution.
I have been a emotional abuser to the women i love we are no longer together just recently and i fill horrible about what i have done. I have my first counseling session this week i wished she would have stayed so i could prove it to her. It is a hard realization for me because i wasn't aware of my behavior but i will change i can't do that to someone i care about i understand why she left I'm not mad at her 1 bit i hope she is okay i know she is dealing with depression and that's my fault i was supposed to be the one who builds her up not break her down so Lorin if you come across this just know I love you and i will change and I'm sorry.
Thank you for showing me the light! My boyfriend and I have dated on and off for over a year. During that time, we have broken up over some very bad, volatile once semi-violent fights. After the semi-violent one, I told him if he ever did that again we were completely through, so since then I have not felt at risk. But when we argue and fight, he plays dirty, and says the most hurtful things, and I have begun to retaliate and say abusive things back, which I hate about myself.
I have recently become pregnant, and after the last fight where he told me to get out and he accused the baby wasn't his, I left. He called me a couple of days later wanting to get back together with some 'conditions', so I gave him some 'conditions' of my own, which is where your lovely website has come in to help me set my boundaries!
I wrote up a relationship contract that was modeled after yours. He immediately said, "Why is all of this in your favor? I'm like what? It's for us to have a healthy relationship, where we BOTH do the behaviors. Now he is trying to change things on there, saying just because I don't like it, doesn't mean it's abuse.
What should I do? He says he wants to work on this relationship and himself, but he will absolutely NOT go to individual therapy we are currently in couple's therapy. Should I give him another chance or just cut ties, because I'm just getting exhausted over this I don't want my baby to think it's ok to take verbal abuse or dish it out, but I also want it to have a father Thanks so much, Kellie Jo!
You are a wise woman! And obviously very effective! Yes, I've read both of Patricia Evans' books, but while they were eye-opening in many ways, they still left me confused and undecided.
I like the idea of a year apart and have already considered suggesting something like this. Unfortunately, however, there are two major reasons that speak against this. For one, I fear it would upset and confuse our adolescent kids, who could get quite destabilized by constantly wondering whether their parents will stay together or get divorced. I feel we owe them clarity, not more confusion because they are, of course, already aware that something isn't right.
Moreover, we don't have the money to sustain two separate homes, and since my husband is the main breadwinner, and vehemently opposed to separating, he would simply refuse to help pay for a second place. Anyway, I obviously don't expect you to resolve my problems -- I'll have to think this over for a while longer and consider my options. God, I'm so fed up with losing sleep over this marriage! Thank you very much for your input and for this fantastic resource, which, I see, has been very helpful for so many of us!
I have been in an emotionally abusive, sexless marriage for 21 years. It took 20 years of constant criticism, belittlement, name-calling, word-twisting, blaming, etc.
I just thought that difficulties were "normal" in long-term relationships, made allowances for my husband's traumatic childhood, and kept telling myself that if only I could be the perfect wife and mother, our relationship would improve. Classic co-dependent pattern! The reason I put up with this situation for as long as I did is that we have 3 children and I am financially dependent on my husband. I shouldered the vast majority of the child-rearing and home-making responsibilities, so was unable to also earn a decent income.
Last summer -- after a year of individual counseling made me realize just how destructive my marriage was -- I told my husband I was leaving him because I couldn't bear the abuse any more.
We did 10 sessions of marital counseling, which stopped the hostility apart from occasional flare-ups , and he started seeing an individual therapist 2 months ago. He is also seeing a therapist with our eldest son, whom he had also damaged with this abusive behavior.
He is now much calmer with me and our children and is even taking care of occasional jobs around the house. He has apologized for the abuse and has promised to work on himself to become a kinder, more loving partner. However, while I used to be endlessly forgiving for 20 years, I now find myself unwilling to reconnect and get closer with him, despite his repeated assurances that he is changing, and his pleas for a second chance.
I am trying to let go of the past, forgive and forget, but the hurt runs so deep that I find it impossible to trust him and to believe that he will really, truly, fundamentally change. The only way I feel comfortable relating to him is at a great distance I have been sleeping separately for 8 months and we have hardly any interactions , and the thought of letting him back into my heart, or returning to his bed, sends shudders down my spine. Am I a vengeful, cold-hearted bitch?
Or are my instincts which I ignored for all those years right in telling me that he will never fundamentally change? Carrie, I believe in your instincts. Here's the thing. Some people will change, fundamentally and permanently. Your husband's willingness to go to individual counseling is a good sign, but then it's been only 2 months.
The counseling with your eldest son is a good thing, too. Unfortunately, all of these great changes could be a scam. He could be acting nicely because he's setting up for divorce behind your back.
He could be setting you up with the longest "honeymoon" period he's ever given. There's no way to know. How about a compromise with yourself for the time being? No one says you have to be physically together while he works out his issues. The trust is broken, you're still walking on eggshells and you haven't yet seen for yourself any real change. What is 2 months of being "good" to 20 years of abusing you? You say you're only comfortable from a distance, so get some more distance.
If he is truly working with his counselor, he will understand why you want to "get away" from him for awhile. Tell him that you want a year or whatever time you decide apart, separate houses, and then make up your mind if the relationship can work. You figure out what is good for you. You are not a cold-hearted bitch. That sounds like something he would say to you. I'd bet on your instincts any day. It worked really well for me - not because my husband agreed to do it, but because he didn't take it seriously.
I am glad to have found this websight with other women going through what I'm going through. We are a partially emty nest now. When the 2nd left, it was just me and him. I did not like who he was anymore, without distractions of kids around!!! A very rude awakiening and soooo lonely I was. Many incidents happened that I could not forgive. I started researching and now know it has been verbal abuse He has never been physically abusive to me.
Since the kids are out mostly, he hates his job, the people he works with, and so many little things blow up into huge things. He agreed. I saw improvement very quickly!
I had hope. Now, things have slipped and he is right back. This past week, so many incidents happened, for example, he is controling, telling me I'm going to hit someone with a shopping cart in the store, when I was not! He has told me when to cross the street. He gets angry at things having a fit, then saying I take it personally and it had nothing to do with me.
He gets very impatient very quickly. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and even on a hike, he blamed me for walking in front of him a few yards and that's why we missed the other path. I was like, am I really hearing this? He blamed me for not telling him the salmon was not farm raised and that's why it was "tough". Huge argument at the table. I mean little things turn into huge things. If we ask him something, he can get very mad.
He has anger problems. But he thinks it's everyone else, not him. He is not like this all the time and can be very nice and sweet, taking care of everyone. But I'm so sick of the unpredictable behavior. How can you love someone in a consistant way? He thinks that to treat someone with a mutual respect and kindness, that's asking way to much and he won't do that. That means I want him to be perfect. I want a "perfect" man.
It's irrational. I set us up with a marriage cousnelor next week. I'm afraid of his negative reaction I am on the fence with the marriage and am so scared to be alone at Like most of you, I had a wake up moment when I realize that I had been verbally abused emotionally destroyed and controlled.
Many people who know me well you're frustrated with me before I realized this. They see me as a professional woman who couldn't possibly fall victim to such a relationship. But yet, it happened. The man I'm involved with is now my husband. We've known each other our whole lives.
Since we were kids. In fact, we were each others first love. We had a child together when we were 16, which we later had to give up for adoption. So almost from the beginning of our relationship, we were bonded on a trauma. Over the years we remained friends and later in life when we were both divorced, we found each other again and fell in love.
Those several months together when we recording were amazing. I never felt like anyone listen to me better than he did. In fact, he seemed to hang on my every word. Months later, we were on our way to get married in another country and we were involved in a terrible life threatening accident. So, another point of trauma bonding for us. And we knew that. We were cognizant of the fact that we had these incidents in our lives of trauma that was a point of bonding for us. What I don't think either one of us understood was the reason that we weren't getting along well was because of the verbal abuse emotional abuse and the destructive behavior.
Almost from the very beginning, he treated me poorly. How can someone treat you well and treat you poorly? Well they have personality characteristics that enable them to be dr. Jekyll and mr. I was told I was crazy, that I need to see a doctor to be put on drugs or hormones, any time I express how I felt about something it was an opportunity for him to fly into a rage.
Any small disagreement or point out of a problem would be caused to fly into a rage that would land me outside of the house, on trip somewhere, with a trip our plans being cancelled, him not going to work and calling out of work, him using my confidences against me, and of course if none of that worked, then cursing in in defaming and belittling.
The strange thing is, I didn't understand what was happening, but I always was committed to trying to stay and help figure it out. Well recently, the incidence of region abuse became more frequent and more intense.
I have no access to my own money, I had no control over my daily activities, I was expected to be there for him every waking moment of the day, and used to look forward in the end when he would go to work and I would have my peace.
I was increasingly becoming depressed, not taking care of myself, became overweight, started drinking daily to cope with my feelings, and lost touch with nearly everyone who loved me.
When I started to express my concern over that, he blew up at me, in a fit of rage and controlling statements and hurtful dialogue that lasted for 3 days.
At the end of it he told me that was why people got choked or stabbed with a knife. That made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. And considering that he is a healthcare professional, I was very confused. The next morning I left. And now he appears to be accepting that he is a controlling and verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative person.
But he is also angry. Angry that I have left and now withholding communication and all money from me. I am moving forward in my life the best way I know how which is to get a job and get myself reestablished in life. Whether he discusses this with me again in the future or decides to do anything about it, I don't know what he will do.
He is repeatedly told me that he wants to divorce and for me to send him the papers. I will not send him the papers. He can download them himself from the internet. I'm so confused and so hurt that someone who loves me so much what do these things to me. But, I can't focus on this anymore as I'm tired of feeling like a victim. That's not who I want to be. I just wanted to say that one of the worst days of my life was on my last birthday. He came home from the hospital where he worked in the morning of my birthday.
I was busy straightening up our condo. And excited about my day. For reasons I still don't know, he started into a verbal tirade with me. He told me that everybody who knows me thinks I'm crazy. He told me that no one loved me. You told me that I should leave and go back to where I came from and my family, even though no one would be there waiting for me. He said that I was a horrible wife and the worst person he'd ever known in his life. He told me that I was just a disappointment professionally and personally.
That he wished he never met me. And that I should go away forever. That I should just die. This was on the morning of my birthday. A day he knows is special to me. Then, he just went to sleep. And left me twisting in the wind all day. This is what abusers do to get you under control. They are trying to quote t2n quote how to behave with them so that you can avoid their hurtful behavior. If you disappoint me, I will punish you with this abuse. I wish everyone healing.
I wish no one had ever been abused so that there would be no more people being abused. For everyone who was abused growing up and childhood who learned how to abuse that way, I wish them healing and the ability to understand what they're doing, and to be compassionate with themselves.
I wish them a way out. For those who have been abused, I wish you healing and that you're able to move forward in your life and be healthy.
I was married for 42 years to an abusive man. I left 5 months ago. We have two married daughters and 3 grandchildren, our lives will always be connected.
I thought he would try to change, instead he is hiring prostitutes, constantly. I would love to try, but see no possibility, now. Hello, I have been married to the same man for 18years, we have been together since I was 17 and I am now I had brain surgery back in and , we have a 16 year old daughter, and we were a great team!
In the past 4 years things have changed. Alcohol has become a problem. My husband is an alcoholic but I have asked him to stop drinking and he has told me "no I will never stop I am a alcoholic". He has been verbally abusive up until 4 week ago. He seems to be trying, and tells me he is trying and that he loves me and will not lash out to me anymore and will NOT fight with me anymore. I feel like my husband has cheated on me, I cannot seem to move past this!
He told me last night that "I need to just divorce him, I will never get past this"! I have found an Alanon meeting to go too, but the thought of him never quitting his drinking is a problem to me. I really need help. He is just so matter of fact that he is not changing, that I all I want want is for him to sit around, and be old, he told me last night he is always going to be a kid at heart, he is 42 years old. I know what his thought of kid at heart is.
I am scared to leave him because I do not want to give up, and I do not want to loose my family but I am tired of feeling this way!
I do love him and want us to get back to loving each other again but I just don't know where to start? Please Help!
When my ex told me, "I like who I am, I'm not changing," I didn't believe him for many years. Finally, I couldn't deny it any longer. He really truly likes who he is and he liked having me around as a punching bag. If you don't like who he is anymore and feel yourself unable to heal and feel free, then perhaps it is time for you to believe your husband, too.
Since you've been asking him to help you save the marriage and he is resisting, he already gave up. You can't give up when the other party does so first. Now you just have to decide what to do to be happy. Tracy, Listen to your instinct that the situation doesn't sit right for you Your intuition is speaking volumes about your boyfriend! He backed off his verbal abuse just long enough to get you back, and trust me when I say that it will "build up" again I've been through this countless times.
Run, don't walk, as far away as you can, unless you want to be his maid and constantly made to feel like you're "not good enough" - because in his eyes, you never will be! The fact that you called him on his crap and he retorts with "you have things to change too" is a very effective way for him to avoid dealing with his behaviour.
You deserve better - you deserve a man who will count his blessings for being with you. Get out now, before your self-esteem goes down the tubes.
I have also been there, and I am in therapy to bring myself back to the vibrant, confident person I used to be. My boyfriend was verbally abusive to me and did some things physically when we were together. We broke up and got back together this year, and he has not touched me.
But I think the verbal stuff is starting up again. He called me loser again because I haven't gone back to school to get my degree. I point out when he says things like this but when i do that he says that no one is perfect and that I have things to change about myself too. Only the things he wants me to change are to go back to school, clean for him we don't live together , do a certain something that he wants in bed that i don't want to do but I do everything else , things like that.
Like he's trying to trade for it. No one is perfect, he's right, but something about that doesn't sit right with me. I feel like I have to do all these things there was more than this for him to change the verbal stuff.
Which i need more proof of honesty and commitment befoee i feel i can trust again. I cannot go to a shelter — they will think i am ridiculous. She isnt concerned at all. I will be told i have no bruises and theu wont believe me. Plus the entire town will be against me. My familu feels sexual abuse is okay also and that i must keep my man satisfied to keep him from cheating.
I feel i have given everything physically emotionally mentally and spiritually but i am not getting honesty and commitment to change in return. What am i doing wrong? He listened to your podcast about abuse and grooming with me. At first i thought abuse was too strong of a word but you described our relationship. I am all alone. He tries to be gentle. He just moved onto that i need to accept this is how he is and to be patient while he works thru his own trauma. Now i feel selfish and abandoned.
If i didnt value myself then why am i fighting so hard for him to treat me with honor and respect. I dont want to be just his sex toy… i want to be woman. A lady. A mother and a suppotive wife.
I feel foolish — alone — selfish — and that i caused this by asking him to respect me. He said i am too demanding aand controlling and he has already changed.
Sex is his reward and i seem to agree as that is more scary to say no. I feel the fear come flooding in uncontrollably when i want to say no and demand respect.
He says he is waiting for me and sometimes he has to wait a week or even two weeks! It is torture for him and i feel so guilty… then i am afraid that he has another reason to cheat. I am lost and feel so alone. I love him… your comments help and i keep reading my post to makw surr i am not making him out to be a monster. He isnt a monster and i still feel i deserve a faithful man but i also have never met one willing to wait for me. You need a therapist who is an expert at emotional abuse and sexual coercion — in other words, rape.
Sexual coercion is a form of rape. Have you listened to this podcast on marital rape? The Truth About Wife Rape. Please please find a way to leave this man!! He is a classic abuser who thinks of no one but himself.
Your therapist is not educated about abuse. You are caught in the cycle, believing his lies, and unable to see a way out or that you need to.
Please find a Domestic Violence shelter or call a hotline who can point you to help. And the most important thing is you cannot tell him; he will use it against you and look for ways to keep you trapped.
He will only get worse. You deserve better!! Your couples therapist is doing what a lot of couples therapists do, which is to misunderstand, dismiss, invalidate and blame you. Every single thing that therapist said to you was wrong, unethical, and deeply harmful and re-traumatizing for you. Get out of the therapy and out of that deeply abusive relationship ASAP. I would be very careful. I was having unexplained seizures.
Turns out my abusive spouse was choking me in my sleep. Get out. All of these descriptions sound like things I do to my husband. Does that mean I am a narcissist? I hate my husband and blame him for everything. I believe it is all his fault, because I do not have any problems at all, except him. I am beautiful and kind, and deserve the best the world has to offer. I am so glad I found your site. Now I know that my problems will go away if I just divorce him and take away the children.
Thank you so much. Have you considered our daily, online group for support? It has given me incredible strength to read your stories and feel your pain as if it were my own. I too am doing my best to recover from a 5 year long narcissistically-abusive relationship that took almost everything from me. Thank you for your strength and perseverance.
To the author: There is good information in this article. Two criticisms: can you please edit your article to fix grammatical and spelling errors to maintain is credibility so I can use this info with other women I know struggling with similar issues? I want to use it as critical thinking and sound psychological assistance. Please consider reinforcing the content with stronger theory and credibility. Thank you so much for your feedback!
Can you please email your feedback to anne. Thank you! How about another update. Ironically — i wasnt going to file a protective order but I had an overwhelming need to. I was filling out paperwork at the exact time he was binging on several videos.
I was gone less than 24 hours and the cops took me home after he left. I did not do a no contact. I was over at his parents house letting him have a supervised visit with our baby when him and his very physically abuse father got into a bad fight. Body slamming — clothes ripping- punches and biting. I knew this was his life and much worse as a child and it was horrible for him and us. His dad got arrested and blamed me as he walked by in hand cuffs.
He got to come home but our fighting continued. He would be sweet and tell me loved me and say I was so beautiful. Sept 13th we had another bad fight.. He was asking his dad for advice and his dad said i am just bored and I am not a good woman. He said men have needs and if she wont meet them then you are allowed to masterbate.
He also said that if I talk to other men then he should leave me because a good woman wont talk to men… confusing.. That sounds like an emotional affair and so I deleted them and made it so no one could contact me. He left and would pretend to tell me about his day and how good he is doing.
Well 3 weeks later he had the baby overnight and binged for 5 hours on porn. And again in the morning. His excuse? I rejected him. I was appaulled and he cannot have our baby overnight.
His therapist said this was not bad enough to not allow overnight visits!! I disagree on every level. He still lies and hides even little things from me and only tells me what will make him look better. He lied and said he did good that day until I saw something on covenant eyes. He then said he wanted to tell me to my face instead of over the phone or via text. He then said he knew he was busted and couldnt delete it from covenant eyes so he just binged all night. He said he knew he was caught and so it was a free for all.
I took the baby and my 19 year old has been babysitting her because I work 6 days a week. My ex bf just sends me texts like he will never give up and he will never do it again… I have heard that so many times I could puke. The problem I have is that i feel so bad for him sometimes because of his home life and being forced to live with his father. But I refuse to let him stay here. I let him over last night fot dinner and to visit and more lies were discovered.
Movies and shows he swore hr would never watch — he said he was testing himself and training to look but not undress them. I said in order to build trust he cannot hide anything. He said He is just to afraid to cause a fight so he doesnt tell me unless he gets caught. Be careful ladies. His words are covered in sweetness but inside is a rotten sour bit of candy. As much as I want to believe his continued promises to change..
Things actually got worse when I set boundaries and kept them. I tried to encourage him but it did not help me.
It actually enabled him. I think I am done for good and he cannot stand it. Calls and texts all the time. Pray for me so that I can remain strong and not fall for the false kindness. He may have a good heart and his past was horrible but i also had a horrible life As many know too well.
My kids deserve to live a safe and healthy life. I hope they will understand someday that I was not being selfish.. I will defend their honor forever. Hi Anne, without giving the playbook to our husbands on their changing how do we go about letting them know that they need to take and do all these steps? He recently sent a text to our youngest teen, who lives with me, that was all about being the victim. My 16 yr old gets it btw! So yes, how do you let the abuser know they have to do those steps authentically and be accountable without giving the script?
This list is for victims to be able to recognize when the abuse has stopped. Good question! This is good information. But it sounds like you give the abuser no hope. I was the abuser. I have change my ways. I love her I would die for her. Any advice? Only healthy behavior over a long period of time can restore trust. Asking your wife to trust you quickly after betraying her trust for so long is manipulation. She will only know if you are safe enough to be in a relationship with after years and years of trustworthy, compassionate, kind, honest, wholesome behavior.
Anything else would just be grooming. We recommend Center For Peace for men who are committed to becoming safe for their wives. Hi there Anne. I was just married this last summer, and a couple weeks ago I left my husband. He has been both physically and verbally abusive since earlier this year.
He would continue to tell me that he was going to change and that he would get the help that he needed, but he never did. He was on a 2 week abuse cycle. None of the injuries were serious enough for me to go to a hospital, but the physical abuse, verbal abuse, and manipulation and control were too much for me to handle.
I left and went to my parents house, where I refused to answer his calls and texts as advised by family. Last week I had to text him about the divorce papers and we started to talk more. He has expressed to me that he will do whatever he needs to be able to change. He is now meeting with a leader from the church we attended together, he is meeting with a counselor every week, and is figuring out how to get into a batterer intervention program.
He has apologized and recognized that what he has done wrong, and has told me that I have every right to be mad at him. It seems like he genuinely wants to change and is doing everything that he can to change and realizes that it would mean that we would have to be separated for at least 6 months to a year before we could even think about moving back in together.
He was a narcissist when we were married, and I really felt that he only cared about what he wanted, and not about what I wanted. Even sexually, it was all about him. Really the only thing tying me to him is the legal paper that says we are married. It would be very easy for me to get out of this situation, and I even have the divorce papers sitting in my room, signed by him. I want to believe that my husband can change the way that he used to treat me. I told him that there is a very large chance that I will just want to move on, but he has made it clear that no matter what I decide, he is going to get the help that he needs.
Madison, the time to get out is now. If he changes, you will know — give him about five years. Separating for six months is not long enough to see if he has truly changed because they can groom for long periods of time.
If you have no children or assets together, the time to get out is now. Thank you Anne. I married him because I loved him, and I still have many of the same feelings I did then. I have just been struggling with the idea of not having my husband in my future and it scares me. He would need to regain your trust over a period of years. Have you been listening to the podcast? Start with this episode about grooming in adult relationships.
Anne, thank you for what you said in response to my posts. I am now looking forward to a relationship where I am loved and respected! It has helped me realize so many things. I promise it would have been worse if you would have had children with him and stayed. You are so brave!! I have been married for 5 years with 3 children. I have been enduring years of verbal, emotional and mental abuse. This past December his anger went further than ever and he picked up a knife and meat tenderizer and threatened saying he could kill me.
He spanked my daughter so hard he left marks on her- and when I asked if he thought it was abuse his initial response was no. We did on therapy session together where the therapist said she had hesitation about counseling a couple so far down this road. I have filed for divorce out of the safety for my kids and myself. I just want peace and tranquillity in my life for my children. We will walk with you through this pain and chaos and help you make your way to safety. I started dating this guy 6 months ago.
He is 19 years older but I fell in love quickly. He soon started to invade my privacy , show jealously, and behave like a complete narcissist who had finally found the love of his life. That sounded weird to me, but I decided to give it a try. Last week, he humiliated me at a wedding.
My family , my parents. I will NOT be a domestic violence victim. I am young. Have a degree and my own place. I am beautiful, kind, and I am also talented. So NO. NO ONE. I WILL get more than that. I have a close friend going through physical abuse. I care about her, but not her husband. And she tried to twist the conversation around making me look like the bad guy.
Do you have an article about what abused partners should recognize normal behavior from their loved ones? She means the world to me. Please if you can, write an article about this so I can show her. She goes by experts opinions most of the time.
If you know that your friend is being abused in any way tell her family. That is love and friendship. Never be afraid, and, never give up on her. She told you for a reason. She may have loved him and needs help. Give that to her…. I promise she will thank you. I speak from experience. If he is physical, I can only imagine the emotional, mental abuse she is living as well. Wishing your friend the courage to love herself and walk away. I have a boyfriend. From the first 3 months, I found out that he had affairs with another two women.
I found it from his other inactive Facebook account. Hello mam Actually I want to knw if a women stay with a men in leave in relationship and they have child to nd the men was torture her for physically or mentally so what can she do for herself or how can women helpline help her. Please contact the National Commission for Women — The apex national level organization of India with the mandate of protecting and promoting the interests of women.
My prblm is that when I was jst 19 yrs old in I got married and I was suffering from domestic violence in which my in-laws also encourage my husband and they never stoped him. The time to ask for your dowry and jewelry was at the time of getting the divorce. It is unlikely that you will get it back now. Consult a lawyer to explore your options. Hi I m writting this to you for your advice and support.. I m Deblina from kolkata who is undergoing torture mentally and physically..
My husband and I married and started staying in Bangalore and everything was going well we were happy until when I stopped working and bringing money he started tourtouring me beating me hitting me abusing me with worst slang started forcing me for sex forcing me to do house work while I started falling sick and the he started to threaten to kill me and attempted to murder me by pressing my neck with wall hitting me beating me but I kept quite.. However, we have to ask why you seem so helpless.
Are you not a grown, adult woman who can take her own decisions? If so, then please leave this abusive home and find another place to live.
Get a job. Be financially independent. Stop acting helpless and get your own life together. I have given complaint against them all in local police station.. Shubhada, your message has been sent to the National Commission for Women. Please check your email for a response from them. I hv complainted against them all…this all comes undr act of domestice voilence… kalam Bt local police station registered simple case… what should I do? Plzz suggest me contact details for Ahmednagar district… to charge this case under This is all part of the cycle of abuse.
A man who abuses you is not a man who loves you, no matter what he says. Abusers never improve. The abuse will only get worse the longer she stays with him. She needs to leave and start life on her own. Hi i am from punjab. I waz in usa on visitor visa den i got married their to an indian guy who is originally from delhi.
He use to drunk n may be some other drug things too because he owns his smoke shop there. Please give him a divorce and move on with your life. Focus your efforts on being a mother, becoming financially independent and providing for your child. I live in Mumbai II want to do love marrage but may family is against it, For which they beat me and they are always saying that they will kill me or my lover. I m a working women,but then also they are pressurized me to marry another guy Please help me otherwise they will harm me.
Shilpa, you cannot depend on your family and have your own source of income, so it is best that you live separately from them and go to the police to report their death threats. Pls advice me. I got married in Jan I was under domestic violence and dowry harassment for 4 months.
I literally escaped out from my husband by my neighbour uncle when my husband tried to kill me. I came back to my family on July 11 I have filed case for divorce. Till now the case is in court.
He accepted for mutual divorce. He doesnt feel guilty of his violence towards me????. I was the victim and I need justice Divorce can save me but what if he does the same to other girl. My mistake was I did not go to police and give complaint during the problem since I dont want my mom to know my suffering?? He used me and now he is free to live happily. Me n my family are suffering with the words from the society.
Is there no punishment for him.??? Is divorce the only solution??? I have got lot of beatings and got hurt physically and mentally by him and his family. But now no punishment for them.. How is this fair.. Pls tell me what should I do. Any help.. Christina, I commend you for getting out and filing for divorce. Stop feeling bad that this man will be punished. Karma will take care of him eventually.
It is not your job to seek revenge or to punish him. Focus on your own life and career and stop focusing on him. Leave the past behind and look to the future. Many women are not as lucky as you. Hi, I live in Cochin, Kerala and have been married for 6 years now. This all started after I refused to pay the rent for the house that we are living in.
Now even his father has started saying the same thing. Please help me… I have a daughter who is just 2 years old. Kindly give some guidance on how to handle the situation.
The abuse will only get worse. I advise you to leave the house and find a job and a safe place to live with your daughter. Hi Mam. Please provide me any active women helpline number where I can complain against domestic violence. Hi my friend is married for last 21 years. After 18 years of marriage she gave birth to a child. Her mother in law always tease her. Now they harass her everyday. His husband is God fearing and good by nature.
Her brother in law is not a good person. His wife always tease her. Her mother in law and brother in law and his wife use very abusing language and even hit her and her baby many times. As she is very sincere and honest girl. My marriage is an love marraige bt my mother inlaw doesnt like me she always use to fight wid me on 9july my husband snt me my home n said i vl come n take u home later bt after a week he snt me notice stating for divorce nw thy r nt tlkng wid me n nt even sayng anythg n says v wnt divorce pls suggest me any help as its being just two mnths for my marriage n thy leave me n ask fr divorce pls hlp me n suggest for help in pune.
Hi, I have filed a DV case against my brother. I lost my dad 2 years back. Form that time I am facing DV. I am a patient of osteoporosis. Today was my statement date it got cancelled. Again I got date after 10 days. This procedure takes too much time. Is there any option to get help at the earliest. It has been 7 months of my marriage and my husband beats me very badly. I am now not able to tolerate this insult anymore.
Then call one of the helplines above for legal advice. Prepare to leave your home and start out on your own. A man who beats you is not a man who loves you, no matter how he behaves on his good days. Many times he beat my sister badly and day by day his nuisance are increasing. Please mam give any suggestion how I help her and give me the helpline number related to domestic violence.
Women commission Phone Number : , , , Hi I am a mother of 3 month old infant. My husband and in laws start torturing me when I was 7 months pregnant at that time I avoided that and came to my parents place after my delivery. I am unable to understand what to do please help. Lalita, My question to you is this. Really, why? Please hire a lawyer and file for divorce from this person.
Start a new life on your own and with your child. If your parents can support you for a while, all the better. How can I get those documents without going there. It is possible to apply for duplicate copies of all your certificates stating that you lost them. Hi, Can anyone help me to pass helpline number related to domestic violence from Bangalore. Where i can get prompt response?
Hi, I hear my neighbour abusing his wife and children almost every night after he gets drunk. Sometimes I can hear he throws things also at them. Although the family seems very normal in the day time, can I help the lady and kids without me being involved formally??
I feel pity for the children as the environment is not good for them. My name is ann.. I love him his name is James.
We have been together for 2 years now we r thinking of marriage. But he has anger issues he is very short temper he always beats me even says dirty words to me. But I hide it from everyone thinking maybe he will change one day he even tried to kill me twice. But I am still with him because I love him and I want to marry him.. Is this love? Does he love me? Or am I a fool? Thinking of a happy ending with him?
Everyone told me to leave him.. Not he got his toe nail broken while kicking me but he is still blaming it all on me. I live in joint family…. Is it really so easy to deal every other day ….. You cannot create peace by trying to change other people. You can only create inner peace by changing how you respond to them. In this case, therapy can help a great deal.
Please contact a good therapist in your area and go to them regularly to learn how to deal with these issues. Plz mam…. Please call the number in Delhi listed above and ask them about any organisations that work in Dehradun on these issues.
Mere sasural se mujhe dhamki wale calls as rahe hai SaaS sasur aur band ke ke pati ko chor do nhi toh goli maar dege mujhe. My younger sister is in very bad conditions because her husband is badly harassed her on daily basis. She is living in west Bengal, Alipurduar junction. Possessed all his family property from the father on her name. She came with one suit only when she got married. Can you help Harry pls to bring justice. We stay in mohali which no should we call for help. In domestic violence even men need help.
It is 21century women also speak lies and put blame on others. We can not clap with one hand pls help men too. Please help me to find the way to get freedom from this violence. Tell me the needful no in gzb whr I can send my details.
Plz do answere. She is not financial independent. Yes, Viren. I recommend that your friend call the numbers in the article above for psychological and legal advice. I am a victim of domestic violence as my husband is very insecure and blames me for everything has beaten me up also ,once i called helpline too ,but cancelled it as my husband ran away from home ,there was fight everyday for everything,now i am staying with my sisters and i have a 4 years old son ,my husband keeps threatening me that he will commit suicide and kill my son too so that blame can fall on me ,he stalks me when i go to work and still comes and fights in my sisters house ,he does not let me take my stuff from the house ,harassing me very day.
Please advise. Serina, that is the reason we have provided helplines above that you can call for legal and emotional guidance. Please make use of them. I am abhinav singla a boy of 17 years.
In the past I also tried to do suicide by hanging and drinking poison but unfortunately, I am still alive. My father and my grandfather still torture my mother my sister and me physically and mentally. My father and grandfather both have becomes devil. Many family friends and relatives try to explain them but they did not listen to anyone rather they become more harsh to us.
My paternal side is completely standing with my father and grand father. They too torture us. My father had a many bad habits of gambling,betting etc in which he losses near about 50 lakhs. My father also have outside affairs too. Kindly help us. Abhinav, We are really sorry to hear about your ordeal, but we cannot help you directly. Instead, we recommend that you contact one of the organisations listed above. They will surely be able to help you.
Sorry, I could not stop from writing this note. I understand if your organization is not equipped to intervene when people ask for help, but this is rather strange to see that you ask them to contact x, y, z if they need help. Someone, writes to you that either they are being abused or they see their neighbor being abused, they provide the address etc, and you still ask those individuals to contact someone else for help. Then how are you being helpful?
Please remember that it takes a lot of courage for a lot of them to write what they had written and ask for help.
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